No one else knows...

Deployments/R&R and post partum hormones do not bode well together. I know they're getting the best of me right now. We said goodbye to Jeremy again for the 2nd time in 4mths. This time was so much more difficult than the last...I know this is only my first deployment but I can tell this doesn't get any easier.

I blush & get embarrassed when someone tells me how strong I am & thank you. Although I appreciate it, I don't want to be strong. I don't feel very strong...I feel like I'm being thanked for sending my husband to war.
No one {except other Army (military) wives} knows how it feels to have the love of your life 7000 miles away.
No one else knows how it feels to live with the phone attached to you & to either not get or miss that phone call.
No one else knows what it's like to have to make important life decisions via Skype & email.
No one else knows how much I want to break down & cry & hide sometimes but I can't because I have to support my kids & my husband because he's got it much worse off than I do.
No one else knows what it's like to have a newborn baby & have to say goodbye to daddy/husband for 8mths.
No one else knows how lonely it gets & what goes through my head at night when the kids are asleep.
No one else knows the thoughts that make their way to the back of my mind.
No one else knows what it's like for their husband to have to see his kids grow up in pictures & videos.
No one else knows whats its like to pray every night with your child under 2 for their daddys safety & protection so he returns home.

My heart aches for Jeremy & these 2 boys...not so much for me. I'm a big girl & know where he's at & why & that he'll be back. I understand the concept of 8mths. These 2 little boys don't...one won't know his daddy until he's 8-9mths old. The other asks for him at the computer on a daily basis. He knows daddy is at work flying helicopters for awhile but that is it. I can only thank God that they are too young to remember being without daddy...for this deployment anyway. Jeremy on the other hand has to miss out on a year of his kids lives. He has to focus onkeeping himself & his comrades safe yet he will still worry about us here at home. I hate that he will miss out on so much of their lives. But I know that God is watching over us all & guiding us thru this...